THE LURE:
"Happy Australia Day!"
There are certain occasions and holidays that allow you to use a specific line at a bar that you wouldn’t normally be able to, so when the most special of all occasions rolled around last Saturday I think everyone appreciated that just acknowledging the day was a pick up line in itself. I knew that “HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY!” was all any man would need to hear from me to get his blood pumping enough to be instantly taken by me. After all, I know I’m far from alone in my feelings of unbridled anticipation 364 days a year as I wait for the arrival of those GLORIOUS 24 hours spent in celebration of everything that makes Australia twice as cool as the US: Marsupials, stronger beer, Smiling Jacks – home of the best veggie burger EVER, the hands-down coolest accent in the world, fairy penguins, the unique status of being the only country that occupies an entire continent, boomerangs, being a place where anyone will tell you “no worries, if you can’t be bothered to have a cuppa with brekki because you’re going bushwalking later”, and of course didgeridoos. The fact that Australia day fell on a Saturday this year was like extra Vegemite on my crumpet though. I had the whole day to rest up (whilst contemplating the wondrousness of Australia of course), and the whole night to spread my Australia loving joyousness without having to worry about work at either end of the day, so needless to say, I rocked the hell out of “happy Australia day” when I went out with some friends to ‘the patio” in Palo Alto on Saturday night!
THE CAST:
Reeling in an inflatable wallaby and an energetic tech guy... that I had to throw back
We got to The Patio around 10:45PM, just in time to take advantage of the cover free entrance for ladies before 11:00PM and by 11:30, not only did that evening’s designated pick up line score me a sweet kiss from the large inflatable Kangaroo that an Australian flag caped man was holding, but I also got the digits of an Indian software engineer. As soon as I sidled up to him and cast out my line: “Best Australia Day Ever Right?!”, this guy was hooked. It’s not every day that I meet a vivacious tech guy that can actually bust a move and carry on conversation, so I was happy to get down with him to the mix of top 40 and crowd pleasing classics like “Baby Got Back” that the DJ was playing.
By midnight, the bar was packed. With the diverse crowd of middle class 20 some-thing pursuers of the night crowding out the empty space around us, it became increasingly difficult to properly get jiggy on the dance floor, so my new friend took advantage of our forced proximity to get to know me better, asking about my job and hobbies. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him and then after we’d been talking and dancing for about forty minutes or so, he felt that we’d reached a place in our relationship, where it was appropriate to get a little bit more intimate with our conversation, casually inquiring: “can I ask you a personal question?”
I told him he could, so he asked “how often do you masturbate?”
I obviously gave the only response I could “What the f^ck?!?”
To which he responded, “Sorry, never mind. Can you just forget I asked?”
“Nope. I definitely can’t forget you asked that. I’m obviously not going to answer you of course, but that’s such a weird question… Why the hell would you ask me that?” I implored him.
“Well, my ex-girlfriend used to masturbate a lot.” He explained.
At that point, I felt like it was time to regroup with my friends and see what they were up to. As it turned out, a girl had spilled beer on my coworker, a few heated words were exchanged and my coworker and the beer spilling girl were having a colorful exchange about how little they cared for one another. My coworker’s roommates dragged her outside lest she make good on her promise to kick the beer spilling girl’s ass. Shortly thereafter I decided it was time to call it a night and head home. Despite the somewhat abrupt departure, it was definitely my most memorable Australia day I’ve had to date and I would go back to the Patio again.
THE SPOT:
The Patio, Emerson St, Palo Alto, CA
PROS:-If, like me, you are into tech guys who can rock a polo shirt, you’re in luck. If you’re not, you can still probably find a man among the diverse crowd of mostly 21-30 year olds to satiate your particular taste. From the energized guys living up Australia day in style: with Aussie flags draped around their necks like super heroes, to the bros in casual t shirt and jeans to the guys in stylish button ups, the crowd encompassed a broad demographic of guys from all walks of life.
-There is no cover for ladies until 11:00 pm.
"Happy Australia Day!"
There are certain occasions and holidays that allow you to use a specific line at a bar that you wouldn’t normally be able to, so when the most special of all occasions rolled around last Saturday I think everyone appreciated that just acknowledging the day was a pick up line in itself. I knew that “HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY!” was all any man would need to hear from me to get his blood pumping enough to be instantly taken by me. After all, I know I’m far from alone in my feelings of unbridled anticipation 364 days a year as I wait for the arrival of those GLORIOUS 24 hours spent in celebration of everything that makes Australia twice as cool as the US: Marsupials, stronger beer, Smiling Jacks – home of the best veggie burger EVER, the hands-down coolest accent in the world, fairy penguins, the unique status of being the only country that occupies an entire continent, boomerangs, being a place where anyone will tell you “no worries, if you can’t be bothered to have a cuppa with brekki because you’re going bushwalking later”, and of course didgeridoos. The fact that Australia day fell on a Saturday this year was like extra Vegemite on my crumpet though. I had the whole day to rest up (whilst contemplating the wondrousness of Australia of course), and the whole night to spread my Australia loving joyousness without having to worry about work at either end of the day, so needless to say, I rocked the hell out of “happy Australia day” when I went out with some friends to ‘the patio” in Palo Alto on Saturday night!
THE CAST:
Reeling in an inflatable wallaby and an energetic tech guy... that I had to throw back
We got to The Patio around 10:45PM, just in time to take advantage of the cover free entrance for ladies before 11:00PM and by 11:30, not only did that evening’s designated pick up line score me a sweet kiss from the large inflatable Kangaroo that an Australian flag caped man was holding, but I also got the digits of an Indian software engineer. As soon as I sidled up to him and cast out my line: “Best Australia Day Ever Right?!”, this guy was hooked. It’s not every day that I meet a vivacious tech guy that can actually bust a move and carry on conversation, so I was happy to get down with him to the mix of top 40 and crowd pleasing classics like “Baby Got Back” that the DJ was playing.
By midnight, the bar was packed. With the diverse crowd of middle class 20 some-thing pursuers of the night crowding out the empty space around us, it became increasingly difficult to properly get jiggy on the dance floor, so my new friend took advantage of our forced proximity to get to know me better, asking about my job and hobbies. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him and then after we’d been talking and dancing for about forty minutes or so, he felt that we’d reached a place in our relationship, where it was appropriate to get a little bit more intimate with our conversation, casually inquiring: “can I ask you a personal question?”
I told him he could, so he asked “how often do you masturbate?”
I obviously gave the only response I could “What the f^ck?!?”
To which he responded, “Sorry, never mind. Can you just forget I asked?”
“Nope. I definitely can’t forget you asked that. I’m obviously not going to answer you of course, but that’s such a weird question… Why the hell would you ask me that?” I implored him.
“Well, my ex-girlfriend used to masturbate a lot.” He explained.
At that point, I felt like it was time to regroup with my friends and see what they were up to. As it turned out, a girl had spilled beer on my coworker, a few heated words were exchanged and my coworker and the beer spilling girl were having a colorful exchange about how little they cared for one another. My coworker’s roommates dragged her outside lest she make good on her promise to kick the beer spilling girl’s ass. Shortly thereafter I decided it was time to call it a night and head home. Despite the somewhat abrupt departure, it was definitely my most memorable Australia day I’ve had to date and I would go back to the Patio again.
THE SPOT:
The Patio, Emerson St, Palo Alto, CA
PROS:-If, like me, you are into tech guys who can rock a polo shirt, you’re in luck. If you’re not, you can still probably find a man among the diverse crowd of mostly 21-30 year olds to satiate your particular taste. From the energized guys living up Australia day in style: with Aussie flags draped around their necks like super heroes, to the bros in casual t shirt and jeans to the guys in stylish button ups, the crowd encompassed a broad demographic of guys from all walks of life.
-There is no cover for ladies until 11:00 pm.
-DJ plays requests.
- Folks in the crowd who know how to live it up on Australia day.
CONS: -No matter how sugary the drink you order is, it still leaves a bitter taste in your mouth after the $12-17.00 you just dropped for it.
- “Cocky Sluts who think they’re tougher than you with their pencil skirt & Kardashian bun-heads – even though you dressed as the ferocious lioness/ leopard mix that you are with your badass Muay Thai & kickboxing skills that no f^cKer should EVER encourage to see first hand. Not to mention the 22 years of unadulterated pure rage pent up into two apple sized clenched fists waiting to explode at any g*dd@m second! F^cking b^tch” – My coworker.
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