A blog exploiting my recently acquired singledom by documenting my exploration of local Bay Area night life hot spots while observing the reactions to some of my favorite pick up lines as I cast them out among the bar and club going men I encounter.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

What the Hub bub's about at Menlo Hub, Menlo Park, CA

The Spot: Menlo Hub
On Friday evening my coworker and I decided to take advantage of the 5pm – 7pm happy hour at Menlo Hub, a stylish little bar/restaurant on El Camino in Menlo Park that boasts an outstanding happy hour menu featuring $5.00 personal pizzas (which are quite satisfying both in taste and size) as well as a few other appetizer and tapas selections and $5.00 drink options including several wines or your choice of a margarita, Lemon drop, martini, Manhattan or cosmopolitan. They also host live music several nights a week, so it was a rare find- a place to enjoy a sophisticated libation (or two or three or in my case last Friday 5 or 6?) in a classy fun atmosphere while paying hole in the wall prices. How quaintly awesome!

THE LURE: a healthy serving of meat OR the beef slider that wasn't on the menu
 While perusing the menu, we put our heads together to come up with a pick up line for the evening. As it turned out, our menus were actually a good muse for crafting lurid lines. The “beef sliders” appetizer sounded like a pick up line in itself. As in: “have you had the beef slider here? … ‘Cause I heard the beef in it isn’t nearly as thick and juicy as the beef slider you serve up. I’d sure love to get one of those in me.” As we were giggling about how that establishment really knew how to put “happy men” in their “happy hour menu”, I caught a glimpse of a tasty dish that wasn't on the menu, but seemed to come with two good sides (front and back): our tall, lean, neatly-bearded waiter.

When he approached and asked my friend and I if we were both 21 and when we both said we were, he seemed satisfied, but my co-worker, who is 22, and still seems to enjoy the novelty of being carded, eagerly presented her ID to him despite his not asking to see it. I couldn’t be bothered to rummage through my pockets for mine (and didn’t want to feel old compared to my young friend), so I didn’t offer mine up, but after he returned my coworker’s license to her, our waitor looked at me expectantly with his twinkling green eyes and said with a playful smile: “Well since I checked her ID, I think I should take a look at yours too.”
“Fine.” I relented as I fished my driver’s license out of my jacket pocket, adding with exaggerated candor, “There goes my anonymity and sense of mystery.”
“You’re still mysterious” he said once again flashing his adorable smile, adding that he was born a year before me.

As we got to the bottom of our first round of drinks, my newly single coworker, enlivened by the healthy splash of tequila in her margarita, mentioned that she was a little excited about the idea of taking a dip in the local dating pool or perhaps, as I teased her, letting a local date take a dip in to her. I offered to take a night off from my own man-fishing to be her wing man, but she said she didn’t really see anyone at the bar that was her type. I’d been so dazzled to that point by our cute waiter that I hadn’t really taken stock of the crowd, but as I looked around, it did seem like we would not be likely to hit anyone in our target demographic in that bar. There were certainly a lot of men there, but the majority of them were probably between 40 -70 years old.

“What about our waiter, he’s cute!” I offered to my co-worker.
“Yeah he is cute.” She conceded.
“but he talked me out of getting pepperoni on my pizza and now I really wish I hadn’t let him. I want meat.” she complained
Laughing, I told her that she should say exactly that to him – “just tell him that he’s going to have to find some other source of meat to satiate you since he talked you out of the pepperoni”
She reciprocated my laughter and added: “Yeah, seriously, I should just tell him that I was really hoping to get some meat in me and he’s just the one to deliver it.”
I continued to laugh, but I was starting to feel like a traitor to vegetarianism at that point for harping so hard on the meat/ penis metaphor, but I guess sometimes you've just gotta take what you're given.

THE CAST:
We were still giggling as our waiter returned with the second round of drinks we’d ordered. I looked at my friend expectantly as he asked if there was anything else he could get for us. What a perfect set up, she better go for it I thought to myself.

“No, we’re good. Thanks.”
She replied to him.

“Wait, wasn’t there something else you needed?” I said to my co-worker, cajoling her like a mother prompting her child to say ‘thank you’.
“no. I don’t think so.” She said, clearly annoyed with me.
“What? I thought there was something missing on your pizza.” I coaxed.

“Oh. Was there something wrong with your pizza.” Our waiter asked, brow furrowed with polite concern.
God, he’s so adorable when he’s thinking about customer satisfaction I mused…  then giggled inwardly about how much satisfaction he could bring to this customer.
Meanwhile, outside of my pervy brain, my coworker was telling our waiter that she was sorry her friend (that would be me) was being rude, but her pizza was really good. We ordered another round of drinks and our waiter disappeared again.

After a sharp, “I can’t believe you just did that” from my coworker, we went back to enjoying our drinks and talking about work, and were after not too long interrupted by a guy who’d been sitting next to us. He introduced himself and asked about our jobs... then he started leaning over and jumping  into our conversation 
intermittently for the rest of the evening. He was nice guy, in his mid 40s and seemed fairly interesting, but neither of us wanted any part of his beef slider, so we weren’t too engaging with him, especially after the return of our waiter who, by the way, became even sexier to me when,  he revealed that he too was a vegetarian* (which I decided was why he’d taken it upon himself to talk my friend out of the pepperoni pizza and was therefore, I decided, both chivalrous and smooth). It was hard to refuse such an attentive, chivalrous, golden tongued, good looking guy, so every time he asked me if I wanted another drink, I flashed him the most adorable smile I could muster and gave a resounding “I sure would!” ( Which is one reason why hiring a super attractive waiter is an excellent business strategy for any barkeep). He definitely put the hubba hubba in the Menlo Hub that night!

Disappointingly, our waiter’s shift ended around the time when the "rock and roll band" (if they can even be called that after refusing my coworker's behest for them to play Led Zeppelin), started to play. He did say, before he left though, that all the tip he wanted from us was our phone numbers. The man was smooth!

We of course obliged him, each scribbling our phone numbers on the receipt when we go the check (but still leaving a generous tip as well), so despite the lack of meat, I think my coworker was still satisfied with her evening and I know I was! Which is why, I would definitely recommend to anyone that they should come check out the Menlo Hub and see what all the hub bub's about! 

*Apparently my drunkenness and smitteness deafened me when the waiter later recanted his claim to be vegetarian, telling my coworker the he actually loved meat...sigh...perhaps my quest for the perfect male specimen is not over.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Finding Sanctuary in Marina CA

THE SPOT:
Last weekend a friend and I took a mini vacation to Sanctuary Beach Resort, a secluded beachfront hotel near Monterey, CA. As its name implied, the resort was a delightfully peaceful and luxurious place to relax and get away. When we arrived, the friendly girl at the front desk checked us in (even though we were an hour early) and showed us on a map where our room would be. “A porter will meet you in the parking lot to take you to your room and give you the keys to your golf cart.” The front desk girl explained.
“We get a golf cart?!” My friend and I both echoed back in delighted amazement.
“That’s right” The girl confirmed. I’d had no idea when I’d booked our trip that we would be provided with our own personal motor-cart to transport us from our beach view room to the pool, spa or restaurant in style. SCORE!

As soon as we parked my car and began to unload our luggage, a gorgeous young man (who looked like he couldn’t have been more than 22) with impeccably clear olive skin and warm brown eyes pulled up next to us in a pristine white golf cart. “Are you… Jillian?” he asked, reading my name off of a card as he got out of his cart. “I sure am!” I said. He introduced himself and started loading our luggage onto the back of his cart and then we zipped up a hill to our room.

The porter unlocked the door and ushered us into our little slice of paradise for the night. “You can help yourselves to that complimentary bottle of wine if you like” he said gesturing to a small bottle sitting enticingly on a table betwixt two glasses that glimmered in the sunshine streaming through our ocean view window. “Wow, you really know how to impress a lady.” I said to the porter as I took in the scene.  He lingered awkwardly for a moment before my friend took our room key from him with one hand and slyly slipped him a five with the other. “Super classy execution on the tip hand off!” I commended her after the porter had backed out of the room.

As soon as he left, my friend and I adorned ourselves in the bathrobes that had been hanging in our closet, curled up on the plush easy chairs that sat in front of our ocean view window and sunbathed like cats while we sipped the deliciously smooth cabernet sauvignon that had been bequeathed to us by the hotel. The girl at the check in desk had mentioned that they put on a nightly  bonfire down at the beach at 5:00, but that conflicted with the happy hour in the hotel’s restaurant, which was from 3:30 – 6:30, so as we (mostly I) finished our bottle of wine, we decided we’d rather have s’more to drink at the restaurant than chocolaty s’mores by the beach, so we hopped in our golf cart and zoomed over to the resort’s restaurant and bar where we each enjoyed a $4.00 cocktail and $2.00 appetizer before dinner.

The restaurant had the usual steak house options and some sushi as well, but seemed a bit pricey for what it was… even the climax of our dining experience, the chocolate eruption cake, was not all that mind blowing. 

All in all, Sanctuary Beach Resort in Marina, CA was a delightful place to spend the weekend and I definitely wouldn’t mind returning at some point, but it’s a bit pricey and it’s on the coast near Monterey, so it’s the kind of place you go with someone – not to meet someone. Singles just don’t usually drop a couple of Benjamin’s to go on the prowl.


THE LINE:
I would like to tell you that while I was at this sandy vacation resort, Pick-up lines rolled off my tongue like waves onto the beach… and it was high tide all weekend long! I would like to tell you that, but the reality is, though there was a vast ocean of material at my disposal at this coastal sanctuary, there were really no fish in the sea. I honestly wasn’t too bothered by it though. My friend and I had come to relax and catch up since it’d been ages since we’d seen each other, so man hunting was not high on my agenda last weekend. That being said, the pick up line generating machine that is my brain was still in action so, if you happen to find yourself at a luxy beach resort here are some lines I didn’t get a chance to cast out:

Next time you’re cruising around your resort in a pimpin’ golf cart and you happen upon some young sex panther of a man who’s walking down the road, why not pull up alongside him and casually call to him: “Hey there. Can I pick you up? ‘cause If you come with me, it would be an enjoyable ride for both of us.” I can’t see any way that would fail. Especially if it was cold out or there was a hill. Any dude would be jumping in your cart like a flea on a dog.

A line I’d considered using if there had been any enticing prospects down by the bonfire was:
“Wow, these s’mores are good. But chocolate and marshmallows aren’t what I really want s’more of in my mouth… I bet you can guess what I’m really after!” and then when they get all awkward and blush or whatever, be like “Graham crackers!” Boys like to be teased like that. It makes them think you’re just kind of easy at first but then they’re like: “oh you’re easy, but you’re also kinda funny!” and then they know they’ve hit the jack pot.

Or if a sexy AAA guy shows up to jump your car after you’ve accidentally left the lights on all day long ‘cause you drove in on a road that instructed you to turn your headlights on even during the day, it’s the perfect opportunity to pull out the dialogue that you’ve been keeping in your back pocket for just such an occasion: when a sexy mechanic shows up to service your vehicle. Mine goes a little something like this:
“Oh my! You’re just who I was hoping would show up to give me a jump tonight. I can’t wait for you to get out your equipment and start revving your engine, ‘cause I know it’s going to really get me going!”
and no. I did not steal any of that from a bad porno… but I definitely think I could qualify for an award at the adult entertainment Oscars if I ever decided to knuckle down and put out a full script. I have no immediate plans to do so though.

And if you are ever in a restaurant with a cute waiter and they offer chocolate eruption cake on their menu… just order that… he’ll know what you’re after.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Gotta be a little Boulder to get Belayed at City Beach Fremont, CA




THE LURE:
Going behind a rock to get boulder …  maybe even get belayed

When I first heard about City Beach in Fremont, a wonderland that boast both a bar AND a rock climbing gym, it seemed too good to be true! Drinking and Climbing? A place to pick up a tall lean rock climber after having a tall cold beer? NICE!

There’d been a short phase in my life where I fancied myself a bit of a climber, that is to say after months of trying, I managed (one time) to completed a V1 bouldering course (and if that means nothing to you, don’t worry because knowing what a V1 bouldering course is just means you know what a “mole hill” the “mountain” I conquered was). Though I did climb around on some boulders back in the day, I’ve never done much climbing where ropes were required, however, I was optimistic that when I hit City Beach I could make up for my lack of experience in hooking lines to rocks, with my skill at hooking in climbers with lines. I didn't think it would be physically possible for one of those lanky rock climbing guys to resist me after I posed the adorable question: “Wanna go behind a rock and get a little bolder?” But if I felt like something a little sexier was in order, I’d figured I'd just go up to a sporty looking guy at the bar and ask: “Do you rock climb? ‘cause I’m really lookin’ to get belayed tonight?”.  With those irresistible lines to hang on, I figured any climber in that bar-gym would love to hoist me up and tell me what to grab a hold of.   

THE CAST:

You know how people don’t really go to the beach at night …
As it turns out if, (like I was), you were thinking of going to City Beach one of these nights to hook up with a hot single climber in the prime of his life, you’re probably going to be disappointed (like I was). It’s not that kind of place. I had an inkling that it might not be the best joint to find a mountaineer to mount when I read on their website that: “Saturday night is family fun night”, but I told myself, that’s fine Saturday is for Families so Friday must be for crazy sexy singles. It wasn’t. I guess I’d just been so dazzled by the climbing related pickup line gems that I wanted rock at this bar that I couldn't bring myself to choose another spot last night.

My co-worker and I rolled into city Beach around 9:30PM yesterday and the bar was pretty much empty.  There was a group of older gentlemen speaking in an Asian dialect that I couldn’t identify at a tall table in one corner of the room, two couples sitting at the bar … and us. Hmm not a good sign I thought to myself as my friend and I ordered a couple of beers and a bite to eat.  I figured maybe after we’d finished our beers we could hit up the climbing area to see what the climbers in there were up to.

There was a sign in the bar that said: “Don’t Drink Then Rock Climb” which seemed like some rock solid advice for novices, but I figured with my weeks of experience from years ago I could handle some beer and some bouldering. Unfortunately though, I didn’t have a chance to ignore their don’t drink and climb rule because the Rock Climbing area closed at 10:00. Bummer! My coworker and I lingered in the Bar area until around 10:30. Waiting for the climbers to come in for a beer after their rocky night, but none did. I was disappointed that I didn’t get to climb up the rock wall that night, but they I was quite satisfied with the mountain of fries I conquered. They may not offer a heapin’ helpin’ of happnin’ hotties at City Beach, but believe me, they certainly serve up ample supplies when it comes to french fries.

City Beach has more to offer than just the bar and rock climbing gym though. They also have quite a few pool and ping pong tables as well as bocce ball, a basketball court and a few other various activities. My coworker and I decided to play pool and check out the inhabitants of the game table area. Other than an elderly guy and his young grandson quite skillfully batting around a ping pong ball, the folks that were playing pool and ping pong seemed to mostly be couples who were out on a date. Since minors and seniors are not really in the demographic I’m looking to rope in with my lines, I did not going to even get to cast a single line out. Disappointing. I did enjoy playing pool with my friend though… BTW, a fun thing to say to a friend that you’re playing pool with after she sinks two or more shots in a row is: “oh crap, did you just get some butter on your pants? … ‘cause you are on a roll right now!”


THE SPOT:
City Beach, Fremont, CA

They have more dining options than a typical bar, even offering a pretty tasty veggie burger, adorably named the tree hugger : )

They have a full bar with good prices on drinks. Plus there are a multitude of activities to participate in: pool, ping pong, basketball bocce ball, and giant chess set, rock climbing and even inflatable slides. No music or dancing though. Also there was a pretty gross stain on the pool table my friend and I used + my cue kept getting stuck in the net separating our pool table from the B-ball court.

Another element that makes the bar less appealing for young singles is that they allow minors. I love cute inquisitive kids as much as the next chick, but when they are running around asking you about each shot you take when playing pool …in a bar at 11:00PM… it’s less adorable than normal. Plus who wants to worry about accidentally throwing out a C U Next Tuesdays or dropping an F bomb when they are out drinking with their friends. If I had kids I might think it was awesome that I could have them hang with me at a bar until 1:00AM… oh wait… no that just seems like bad parenting.

 The pool equipment was old and the tables were packed pretty close together which meant we had to keep waiting for our neighbors to move out of the way for a lot of shot, so if you’re looking to play pool I recommend South 1st St Billiards in San Jose.   Ping pong stuff looked to be in better shape at City Beach though.  Overall, I’d say it’s a good spot to hang out with a group of friends or take a date, but unless you are actually talking about rock climbing you probably aren’t going to get belayed or get a little bolder behind any rocks there.